North Korea, Best Korea!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
