Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
