smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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