Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
