I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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