I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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