Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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