I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
