Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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