I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
