3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
