yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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