You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
