so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize