You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
