Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
