so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
they need to just BURY HIM!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
