Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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