Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
