CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
