I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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