My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
