U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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