so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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