I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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