the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
