Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
