Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
