This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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