Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
