I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize