i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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