he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
