He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
