we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
