I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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