don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
