There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm like, not good at living.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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