Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize