I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
