The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
