The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
