Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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