guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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