Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
