Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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