I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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