Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
