He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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