normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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