bring money and cleavage
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize