Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you will always have a special place in my vag
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
