You're so nebulous sometimes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Panties = found
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