it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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