Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I need to align my fucking chakras
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
