Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My vagina just recognized that song.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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