Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
