It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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