Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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