pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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