mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
