it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
