six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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