Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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