What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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