I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
