I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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