when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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