I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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