you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
